Another part of the book/screenplay

It's that first kiss that changes everything. There's only one real first kiss for a person, but with each new relationship, there is a first kiss. And that is the kiss that I'm talking about.

It's that moment right before when your heart starts to race, your breathing stops, and you lose the ability to speak. In the milliseconds before your lips meet, there is a pause. That pause speaks louder than a hundred love songs, than a thousand poems about the beauty of life. And in that moment, everything makes sense.

And then lips touch. And time stands still. And your heart soars, your mind is clear, and everything else just disappears. No matter how long the kiss, even if for just a moment, you feel like the most beautiful person in his world.

That's how she felt the first time they kissed. That very first time changed everything. And now as she stands alone at the top of the hill, looking down on the crowd surrounding that damned hole in the ground, and she thinks of that kiss. It couldn't have been more perfect, but it's long gone now. She would give her life to have one more chance to experience his lips touching hers. To hear him speak her name in a whisper. But there will never be another chance to be in that place with him. Everything is wrong.

And that first kiss is the solution. All she needs is one more chance, and she'll never get it. She stands on the hill, her long dark hair blowing in the wind, her sweater fluttering around her crossed arms. A steady stream of tears continues to fall, and she closes her eyes and dreams of that first kiss. She pretends her arms are his, she pretends she is in that moment before his lips touch hers. She waits patiently for impact, knowing it will never come.

And I watch her standing there. I know I can't help her, I know I can't touch her, I know I've created this mess she's in. But I smile because I know how this all ends. It's my story, it's my creation. I will let her suffer now, because it's the most important thing that will ever happen to her. This is her defining moment. And that first kiss? That kiss was mine to give. It's memory is mine, it's emotions are mine. But I will let her borrow them in this moment. Because she needs them much more than I do.

For now.